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VOLUME I
By: MT
I’ve always been a fan of pieces of cinema depicting teens using obscure talents and skills to solve their problems, save the day, and/or get the girl. This premise, which seems to work best when set in the 1980’s, has given us such classic Oscar winners as “Over the Top”, “Stomp the Yard”, “Rad”, and “Airborne.” “The Karate Kid” may seem to have a lot in common with these aforementioned masterpieces, but upon review, we can see “The Karate Kid” differs from the rest in one crucial way. All of these other movies have a hero you root for, where upon a closer look, the “heroes” here (Mr. Miyagi and Daniel LaRusso) are nothing but two worthless human beings.
Before I get into that, let’s take it right from the top.
Chapter I: The Unusual Decision
This LaRusso family isn’t quite normal to begin with.
For starters, as they are pulling away for the voyage from Newark, NJ to Reseda, CA, you notice a few of Daniel’s friends waving at them, wishing for a safe trip. Here’s the only problem with this picture: all the kids waving are of an age ranging from 5-8 years old. Daniel LaRusso is a high school kid, and he’s hanging around with these little brats? What does he have, some sort of Alpha Male problem where he hangs out with younger kids just so he feels like he is the “man”? What a clown. And how big of a risk are they taking driving that piece-of-shit brown station wagon almost 4,000 miles to CA? Did they really think that piece of trash was going to make it all the way there? What if it died in the middle of the desert Mrs. LaRusso, what then? It seems pretty obvious that you don’t really think things through too well, because if you did, you wouldn’t have even gone all that way for a crappy job to begin with (but more on that later). It is obvious that there is something not quite kosher with this family.
And speaking of moving, say you were going to permanently move across the country, and you only had a station wagon to carry your life possessions, what would you bring? I would assume that normal people would bring as much clothing as possible, their important keepsakes, and small appliances that they would need. Well, not this family. Here’s what Mrs. LaRusso brought for their new life, and I’m not even fucking around when I say this, it was in the movie:
(Honestly, if you don’t believe me, watch it yourself. This is all she brings.):
1. A yellow empty laundry basket to hold all that clothes that she didn’t bring:
2. A boxful of empty Tupperware. (there was nothing in the Tupperware; JUST Tupperware):
3. And here’s the kicker, a clown marionette (yes, a string puppet), which she uses to “decorate” the empty bookshelf:
Seriously, you’re moving away for good and have limited space in your turd-mobile, and this is the goofy shit you bring? Almost makes Lloyd Christmas look like a genius when he bought that giant foam cowboy hat with the last of his money in the 90’s classic comedy, Dumb and Dumber. I don’t know what’s dumber; the shit that Mrs. LaRusso brought or the fact she totally uprooted and moved all the way to another coast for a supposed computer job that she seems to know nothing about. Dumb bitch. And lets not even get started on Daniel, all he brought was his crappy bike and a suitcase filled with what seems to be nothing, since he only wears 4 different sets of clothes throughout the whole damn movie. Filthy animal.
And what’s up with Daniel rocking a Wes Chandler San Diego Chargers jersey throughout the whole movie?
Daniel’s from New Jersey; there’s no fucking reason why he should be rooting for the Chargers. And it annoys me even further because in the early ‘80’s, the Chargers were a really good team with Dan Fouts and Kellen Winslow. Nobody likes a frontrunner and nobody likes YOU, Daniel. Or I guess the only other crappy reason he is wearing the jersey is because he wants to just “fit in” in Cali, kinda like how new immigrants to the US always end up buying a Yankees hat, as if we cant tell they’re new here to the country. “HEY! He’s wearing a Yankees hat, he must be American!”
Listen Daniel; you’re not fooling anyone with your antics. Nobody’s gonna mistake you for a Californian with that jersey (or the fact you’re the only Italian in the whole state), so why don’t you just keep it real and stay true to your NY Giants crap. Nobody likes a flip-flopper or a poser, pal.
And onto how Daniel’s compulsive lying gets into trouble. As he’s walking into that dilapidated roach motel he calls a home, he recklessly sidekicks the fence door open, knocking his new friend to the ground. Now the kid stands up and asks him and asks him, “Hey, you know karate?” and Daniel answers, “yes.”
NEWSFLASH: Hey Daniel, just because you can sidekick a door open DOES NOT mean you know karate, you liar. I have never taken a karate class once in my life, and I can fucking guarantee you that I can kick an unlocked door wide open. And guess what, I would never claim I know karate because of that simple feat.
This is where the other important villain comes into play: Mr. Miyagi. When the LaRusso’s first move in to their slumbox, the kitchen faucet is broken, and they tell Mr. Miyagi that it need to be fixed. Well only after a few days and a couple of Daniel beatings, he finally gets it fixed. What a lazy piece of shit, it’s not like he actually got anything better to do with his time (unless you consider trying to catch flies with chopsticks in that closet he works out of productive.) And while you’re at it Mr. Miyagi, why don’t you fix the goddamn pool, you sloth. You know the residents at the Southern Seas apartment complex ARE paying rent for a reason.
Back to that asshole, Daniel LaRusso. The guy he accidentally side kicked the door into with his super karate skills made the mistake to inviting Daniel to a beach party, which would seem like fun, if you consider NOT getting drunk, playing soccer for hours until the sun comes down while ignoring the hot chicks on the secluded beach fun. And this is where we meet one of the main protagonists, Ali Mills:
Chapter II: The Ali Enigma.
Wow! It really IS as big as my pinkie!!!
Before we continue on with the storyline, let’s take a moment to discuss what the fuck is Ali’s problem.
Ok, let’s take a good look at Daniel. There is absolutely nothing endearing about this skinny rat-faced punk.
Mac & Cheese eating mothefucker.
Now let’s take a look at Ali. Yes, super hot. The Anti-Daniel, if you will.
Yeah, I'd cum inside her.
Ok, let’s continue to observe the absurdity of the Daniel LaRusso/Ali Mills relationship. For starters, this is the beautiful city of Newark, NJ, where Daniel is from:
Newark, great place to visit.
Yeah, real lovely place to visit. I recommend visiting in the summertime, when the stench is at its absolute worst and the common street thugs are too hot and tired to steal your hubcaps.
One of the nicer parts of town
Ah yes, Newark, NJ, American center of the Portuguese community, home of the original Race Riots, capital city of carjacking, and birth place of Ian Ziering.
I'm Steve Sanders, motherfucker!!!
Yes Daniel is from Newark, NJ, the hemorrhoid on the asshole of America. Only three types of People are from Newark,
1. This guy,
Sweet backwards visor, Brah.
2. Retards born from the slew of toxins in the area.
Ha-Ha, you're retarded and I'm not.
3. And homeless bums.
Get a job.
Yeah, this is where Daniel LaRusso is from, and believe me, as a guy who’s from Jersey who’s been to Newark a quite few times, I feel that I’m sugarcoating Newark with my description, its total dump with no redeeming qualities. Now, let’s look at where the super-sexy Ali Mills is from: Encino, CA:
“Gee hon, isn't our son swell? Yes, dear. Isn’t LIFE swell?”
Encino, Home of clean fun in the sun,
Rich people…
My second job is buying and selling people.
…and Encino Man…
…. And C’mon, Ali’s rich and lives in a mansion.
Basically, Encino is Awesome. Newark is not. People from Encino are awesome. People from Newark are shitty. So what the hell is a chick like Ali doing with Daniel LaRusso? She’s the hottest chick at school. Honestly, the only reason I can think of is that Ali just wanted to fuck something weird. I mean, every guy does it, and maybe chicks do too. Like me, if I had a chance to nail a freaky looking paraplegic or your grandmother, I would do it in a heartbeat. You know why? Just so I can say I did it. Maybe that is what was going through Ali’s head. She probably been with so many good looking, rich, tall, blonde hair, blue eyed guys like Johnny Lawrence that she felt like doing something new and went slumming for a troll like Daniel. All chicks go through a slumming period; maybe this was it for Ali (how you think I get laid? Yep, because of chicks slumming.)
Ok back to the beach scene. Daniel decides the best way o get in Ali’s pants is to teach her some basic soccer tricks that anyone can do and, in typical Daniel-lying-his-ass-off fashion (see the scene where he said he knew karate), acts like he’s some soccer god. Daniel as a real serious problem with inflating himself; first he claims to know karate, now he portrays himself to be awesome at soccer. Keep it real Dan, keep it real. And by the way, purple sweatpants were never cool, not even in the 80’s. And to think you only brought one suitcase across the USA, and you bring purple sweatpants? Loser.
Ok now this is the only time in the entire movie where I felt some sympathy for Daniel. His new friends egged him on to hit on Ali, yet none of them happened to mention that she used to go out with the two-time valley champion in karate, Mr. Johnny Lawrence. Like, what a bunch of dickheads. None of them could have given him the heads up? All they had to say was “Yo Dan, let this one go; her ex-boyfriend is the coolest dude in school and he will beat the shit out of you. He’s a fucking karate champ.” But NOOOOOOO, they couldn’t give him a heads up on this. And even worse when he does stand up for her and fights Johnny, which to me is a noble, yet stupid thing to do (me fight over a chick? Never), they mock the friend who brought Daniel by saying “where’d you find this guy?
Chapter III: Heeere’s Johnny!!!
Who's crazier then me? Terry Silver.
Now let’s introduce the misunderstood character that revolutionized ‘80’s cinema, Mr. Johnny Lawrence. As much as I want to blame Daniel’s new friends for not telling him that Johnny is not the dude to mess with, Daniel should have known better for three reasons:
1. Johnny was wearing a headband, which in the ‘80’s meant “Bad Motherfucker”.
2. Johnny and his crew were wearing the same leather Kobra Kai jackets that only differed in color. This should have told Daniel that it wasn’t a good idea to fuck with them (didn’t he ever see “The Warriors?”)
I wouldn't fuck with these dudes.
3. And this was the biggest telltale sign, which amazes me that Daniel totally missed…THEY WERE ALL ON MOTORBIKES!!!! Maybe the average movie watcher doesn’t realize this, but in the ‘80’s if you were a teenager with a motorbike, you were the shit. Like a teen in the ‘80’s with a motorbike is the equivalent to a teenager today with a teardrop tattoo under his left eye, Desert Eagle in his waistband while flipping gang signs with their hands. Real gangsta shit. You don’t fuck with these people, and you know they mean business. I don’t know how else to stress this, but teenagers on motorbikes were not to be toyed with in the ‘80’s.
“Mother, tell your children not to walk my way.”
But does Daniel take note of the situation and stays out of it? No, because he’s an obtuse putz, that’s why.
The evidence is now overwhelming that Johnny Lawrence is NOT the guy to mess with. And it seems like anyone who has an IQ higher then a bag of dildos can obviously realize it; everyone but that dullard Daniel. Every guy in the world has been in a situation where you’re at a social setting, like a bar or a party, and you strike up a conversation with an attractive girl. Now you’re talking to her, things are looking good, and you begin to think to yourself “Yo, I think I got a good shot at nailing this. Sweet! Now don’t screw it up by saying something stupid.” Then it happens; the figurative Serena Williams image that ruins your erection, the “other guy” she happened not to tell you about walks into the picture and wants to “talk” to her. Cue in everything falling apart.
“Dude looks like a lady.”
Every guy has had this happen to them, where the girl you thought you had a shot with turns out to have a little excess baggage that they conveniently forgot to mention to you (boyfriend or even worse, a stronger ex-boyfriend), and every guy knows that when he shows up, it’s time to cut your loses and move on. Girls with that situation on their hands aren’t worth it. Yet somehow all of this is lost on Daniel, and instead of walking away, he decides to mettle in Johnny and Ali’s business. Danny, it’s a radio. A fucking stupid radio, and yet you allow it to be the catalyst of your own downfall. Let the fight begin!
Chapter IV: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
As absurd as it already is that Daniel is actually going to fight a guy he doesn’t know who rolled in on a motorbike, has a headband on, and wearing the leather jacket, there are still a few things that Daniel could have done to make the situation better.
1. It’s always a good idea to at least size up an opponent before you fight him, because it honestly makes no Goddamn sense to run right at him so he can just easily trip you with his leg. TWICE.
2. Getting into a karate stance without actually knowing karate during a fight only makes you look like an even bigger asshole once you get your ass handed back to you.
3. No one likes a whiny pussy, Daniel. Johnny trips you, making you land on the sand, and you lie there momentarily wincing in pain? Dude, it’s fucking sand; not concrete or asphalt. Falling on sand hurts about as much as…sleeping? I don’t know. Point is, sand doesn’t hurt.
4. Be cogniscent of your surroundings when fighting a two-time Valley Karate Champ. Jesus, you could have a least thrown handful of sand in his eyes, even up the odds a bit. Remember kids; you can’t hit what your eyes can’t see. All’s fair in a crappy beach karate fight.
5. During the fight, as you were crouched over in pain, you do have a minor moment of cowardly victory when you sucker punch Johnny in the face. Good for you. But to then state to him “ok, now we’re even”, let me step in and field that pseudo-question for Mr. Lawrence: No. Not in the least bit. You just punched him in the face, Daniel. He’s obviously not going to call it quits right there and then. Johnny’s a winner, and winners don’t quit; they hit back harder.
This beach scene to me is truly my favorite due to its sincerity. It portrays best what happens in the real world. When dudes get involved in other people’s business, they get their ass kicked, and for good reason. Personally if thy ended the movie right here, it would have been a flawless masterpiece. But alas, they draw it out anyway.
Chapter V: We’re Not In Kansas Anymore.
Fresh off his well deserved beat down, Daniel embarks on his journey to a new school, but before he does that he encounters his mother at the kitchen table. Hilarity ensues. For starters, he walks into the kitchen wearing a pair of aviator sunglasses to cover up the black eye that he somehow got at the beach, even though it didn’t really seem like Johnny got a good shot at his face. But then again, this is Daniel we’re talking about, puniness personified, so maybe a gut shot to him could defy the laws of physics and lead to a black eye on the wimp. Back to the aviator sunglasses he was wearing, goodness he looked like such a douche with those things on. Almost single-handedly destroyed the aviator sunglasses look, kind of like how Hitler forever destroyed the Chaplin mini moustache. LaRusso is the Anti-Cobra, if you will:
How REAL men pull it off.
And yet here is another example of how bad of a liar LaRusso is, and this totally tops his previous claims of knowing how to play soccer and karate; when asked by his loudmouth bitch of a mother how e got his black eye, Daniel responds “I fell off my bike”…
…. Take a second to digest this…
…Is it sinking in yet what he said?...
………………..WHAT???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daniel actually has the balls to say he got black eye by falling off his damn bike? Are you kidding me! This lie is even worse then when he told Ali’s friend at school that his bike was a “Miyagi Turbo” in the very next scene. First its karate, then its soccer, then its falling off his bike, then it’s the Miyagi Turbo fabrication; do these deceitful web of lies ever stop, Dan? Man up, you jerk. And please don’t think I’m letting Mrs. LaRusso off the hook here; how dumb must you be to believe that crap? Mrs. LaRusso, do you even give a shit at this point about your son? You make Andrea Yates look like the Mother of the Year with this crap. I mean first off you moved all the way across the country for some bootleg job you have no knowledge of without even asking him, and now you believe these tall tales he’s telling you? Thank God you produced no more kids because I’d bet my last quarter they’d grow up to be junkies or hookers with your apparent lack of supervision. You know what would happen if I came home to my mother with a black eye, and I told her that I got it from falling off my bike? She would throw a dirty look at me, move towards the counter, pull out the wooden spoon (it’s a Portuguese thing; you wouldn’t understand) and proceed to pummel me, definitely give me another black eye as well. You know why? Because she doesn’t like getting her intelligence insulted and she gives a shit, that’s why.
(Cue in “Cruel Summer” by Bananarama.)
Ah Yes, the first day of school is here. A chance for a clean start for Daniel, make some new friends, slam some hot Cali Blondie’s; the world is his oyster as long as he plays his cards right. But then again, this is Daniel we are talking about here, so we know he’ll fuck it up quickly.
…And Daniel doesn’t let me down.
As soon as he gets to school, he sees the great Johnny Lawrence. A chance to make eye contact is here, a chance for Dan to clear the air and NOT make his High School life miserable. Jesus, would it have been so difficult to just walk up to the guy and just try and settle it right there? I mean, he could have just told him that she never told him that she had a boyfriend, and none of the other dudes at the beach told him that she was taken.
You know, maybe this would have worked, maybe it wouldn’t, but at least it’s worth a shot and definitely wouldn’t have made the situation worse. Johnny would have probably even respected you for stepping up to him and his boys alone to say your piece. The dumbest thing a kid can do in his high school career is to piss off the toughest kid in school, especially on the first damn day. It’s the equivalent of social suicide. But Daniel, aloof to the rules of high school, doesn’t do this, and the yet again pisses Johnny off by talking to Ali. Apparently he still doesn’t realize that she’s just going to get him killed.
Chapter VI: Hey Daniel, You’re No Pele.
You fucking suck, LaRusso!!!
So anyway, Daniel decides to continue to talk to Ali “bad news” Mills, even though she’s been nothing but trouble, and he’s already been through all this crap and he only found out her name right now. Believe me if I’m going to get my ass kicked over a girl, I’ll be sure that I know her name already. But I guess he likes getting his head kicked in for some random chick. Whatever, dumb dudes do dumb things. And how not smooth is Daniel? When he asks her (finally) her name, she says, “Ali, with an “I””, to which he responds “I’m Daniel, with an “L””. Yeah, real smooth, a modern day Don Juan over here. Any more cheesy things you want to say? Honestly, I’m going to do that the next time I’m at a bar and a chick asks me what’s my name (Marco, with an “O”’) just to see that look of “Are you retarded?” on the chick’s face. But then again, this is the ‘80’s, and one thing I’ve learned over the years is that in the ‘80’s anything goes, and sadly seems to work.
Anyway, this is when Daniel finds out that there will be soccer team tryouts later that day. So Daniel shows up, they have a little scrimmage, and one of the guys happens to slide tackle Daniel in order to get the ball.
Look, a slide tackle is a common defensive technique to steal the ball from a player with possession of the ball. It’s done in every soccer game, from Peewee leagues all the way to the pros. Sometimes it’s a foul, sometimes its not. But what does Daniel do after he got slide tackled? He gets up and just cowardly punches the guy in the face - a total cheap shot. Are you kidding me Dan?! What the hell is that all about?! Why blow a chance to make the team like that? For a guy who acts like he’s such a soccer stud, you should be used to it. What, little pussy can’t handle a little contact? What a total punk. And it’s not like he got “Zidane’d” on the field by the guy to warrant a punch:
Zidane ready to take out yet another bad Italian actor.
Honestly, it was a typical slide tackle - it was aggressive, but still a tackle. And it was from the side (not from behind, which is a no-no). But Daniel just can’t handle it. My little brother Ronaldo (not the fat, lazy, piece-of-shit Brazilian player, the Portuguese star) gets fouled all the time and a lot harder, and you don’t see him bitching and moaning, and definitely you don’t see him get up and slug other players. He just gets up and scores goals.
Dear God: Please let Johnny beat the shit out of Larusso. Amen.
But you instead just punch out a guy who you don’t know is friends with Johnny for fouling you? Punk, you were probably just doing that so you would get thrown out of practice and hide the fact you got no skills. Either way, you’re just a plain goon, and don’t belong on a team. And no wonder why everyone hates you; you go around trying to be a hard-ass. First at the beach and now you’re sneaking guys in the face over a soccer foul, I would beat your ass too.
So it finally settles into Daniel’s thick skull that he is pretty much fucked, which is a great thing, because he deserves it. So what does he do? He decides to learn karate from a book at home. Wow, how pointless. Who the hell learns anything from a book? It’s like learning how to take a jump shot or how to tackle in football; you can’t learn it from a book. Waste of time, but then again, Dan’s got a lot of that because he has no friends and is a loser. By the way, remember how I said earlier that Mr. Miyagi takes forever to fix the sink? Well, he finally fixes it now. Maybe he could finally get to work on the pool now, but he probably wont, since he’s so busy doing...nothing.
I guess it finally set in that learning karate out of a book is just going to amount to nothing, because Dan finally decides to join a Dojo for real training. Ok, that’s a good move the right direction, but why didn’t it cross Daniel’s mind for a second that the two-time karate champ and his pals might go to the local Dojo as well? Shouldn’t you have done a little bit of research about where Johnny goes for training (and by “research” I mean, “just look at his damn jacket and other clothing, because he’s got Kobra Kai patches on just about everything he wears”) or at least look in the window of the Dojo to make sure he doesn’t train there. C’mon now, Dojo’s aren’t like supermarkets, where there’s one on every corner; I’m sure there was only less then a handful in a 20 mile radius. But no, Daniel just waltzes right in there, completely oblivious to the fact that Johnny and Co. might be there, and ends up making an even bigger ass of himself when Johnny spots him (which by this time I didn’t think was possible. Also, if you look closely you’ll see Lamar from “Revenge of the Nerds” in the background as the only black guy in the entire film.)
This inspired me to just take a look for myself to see how many Dojo’s are in Reseda, CA. Granted, a lot can change over the years, but currently there are only two Dojo’s there, and about seven total in a 20 mile radius. Keep in mind Daniel rides his bike everywhere he goes though.
Don’t believe me? Fuck you, here is a link. Look for yourself. I even used his real address of:
19223 Saticoy St. Apt 20
Reseda, CA 91335
http://www.google.com/maps?hl=en&q=dojo&near=Reseda,+CA&sa=X&oi=local&ct=title
(Side note: Sadly I’m realizing if I put half the effort into college that I put into this thesis, I would have had a 4.0, easy. I’m such a fucking stupid idiot)
It just so happens that Daniel’s thick-headed mom is right across the street in the Orient Express Restaurant. I guess she doesn’t actually have to physically go to work for her new computer job she supposedly got. So as Daniel and his mom are having lunch, thankfully Johnny and Co. walk out from practice and notice him in the window. Let the fun begin…
Chapter VII: “I Hate This Friggin’ Bike!”
And it probably hates you too, LaRusso. So somehow hours elapse during the lunch with his mother, and Daniel end up riding his bike home in the darkness. In a swift display of Awesomeness, Johnny and his pals ride by on their motorbikes. What does Daniel do about it? That’s right, the dumbest option possible by taking a sharp turn right down a steep hill. Hilarity ensues. Unfortunately, Daniel doesn’t snap the third and fourth vertebrae in his neck and end this movie on a positive note. Instead he lives and cries like a little Mary about it. He then trashes his “Miyagi Turbo” bike (btw, at the time he first says this in the movie, he hasn’t figured out Mr. Miyagi’s name yet in the film.)
Either way, everything is looking like a total feel good movie so far; Daniel sucks, Johnny’s the man, and Johnny is just giving Daniel exactly what he deserves. Then everything changes when what I call the “Miyagi Paradox” comes into play…
STAY TUNED FOR *VOLUME II* SOON!
Quick note from the author:
Me on a good day.
You may be asking yourself “Why is he wasting time writing this?” Because anywhere you go where Karate Kid gets mentioned (I bet to no one’s surprise here, it happens to me A LOT) there’s always one person who claims the know that movie really well, then when you ask them or mention a certain part of the movie, they “don’t remember”, and that they “really like the tiger crane scene at the end”. Fucking amateurs. Well, guess what, you don’t know jack shit then, so in the future keep your mouth shut and let the real men talk about the finer points of this classic. I also choose to write this because the truth about Daniel’s treachery must be told and I felt it is necessary to clear up any Misconceptions of Johnny Lawrence. And also, I have yet to read a fully comprehensive review of the film and all its nuances, figured I should take up the bold task.
But in all honesty I wrote this to pick up chicks. Chicks dig dudes who know their Karate Kid (or at least they do in my fantasy world).
-Thanks to Delli for formatting the pics and to Paul & Mark for doing some editing.
You got shit to say about the article, have questions, wanna fight me on a beach over a crappy radio, or are a chick who wants to do me? Say it to my face in the comments below:
48 comments:
Dearest Sensei
BRILLIANT!!!! ABSOULTELY BRILLIANT!!!
I can not wait for volume two.....haloween party, Miaygi and Daniel son meet. The training.....wax on wax off
You have inspired me to watch Karate Kid AGAIN
::love::
This is absolutely amazing. Linking to this for sure.
My favorite part of Karate Kid idiocy is the kick that knocks out Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds. That is the most off balance kick in the history of martial arts, and yet somehow Lamar goes falling down.
Can't wait for part two!!!!
This is probably the funniest thing I've read since finishing up Tucker Max's book. I will no longer be able to watch Karate kid Like I use to and I truly thank you for that.
It's not so amazing joke as it seems. It based on lie. But sometimes it's funny, definitely.
Pretty damn disrespectful using the outdated term retard.
I know what you mean as daniel is unrefined and claimed to hear voices in his head; however, the real villain in the karate kid is mister myagi - mister myagi seemed to snake eyes when they first met and after the bicycle gets chucked in the dumpster, myagi ( the war criminal ( or whatever his real name was supposed to be ) fixes it then placed it on their door step ( classic stalking behaviour ) but, back to daniel
Daniel morally should have walked away from the beach fight; however, legally he's coverage - johnny pushing daniel is classified as reckless assault with a weapon - giving daniel the legal right to fight.
As for the soccer field - look again and bobby was mocking him and bobby placed his hand up which was a signal to either place daniel in a headlock or push him over again - this is classified again as reckless assault - giving daniel the legal right to defend himself. As for the pushing him using their road and trail bikes - they'resupposed to have their licences and they don't know not to force someone off the road - in legal terms - classed as attempted vehiclar homicide and if you study daniel - the viewer should figure out that daniel isn't clever - he's not a smart student - he's only in one of johnny's a class student classes and it's ancient history and remember, bobby, intentionally telling johhny to forget about, ali, she's ancient history - in other words - they broke up before summer and while they will still at school and didn't you ever wonder how the cobrai kai knew, daniel, was from new Jersey - they likely threatened and bullied, freddy but , back to the beach fight - stuff, daniels new potential friends - they encouraged the fight though, back to johnny's bad behaviour at the beach. He came down demand to speak to, ali, with his helmet and gloves on and she declared no - well he said well he wanted to talk to her ( to me this admits of guilt this has already occurred on at least one previous occasion and then attempts to blackmail , ali so she can talk to her - then observe him throw the radio on the sand and see how close he gets to her - this is not only domestic violence against women - it's also sexual harassment .I'm not claiming, daniel, is some prince or saint - just that they're pretty much as bad as each other. It appeared to me that, ali , likely felt sorry for, danny
Over to the Halloween party water soaking prank - that was a stupid stunt on daniels part and his life would have been better if he had not done it but, then again - it's only water ( unless it was scalding hot water - which I don't think the water was ) Walkman ruined - that was karma for ruining, alis radio. Daniel still has the shower on him and then chucked it off and his demenour change so that looked as if, myagi, placed a spell on the shower curtain
Beating daniel was not great but, daniel was in some need of calibration and all still not too bad as they're all teenagers but, the last kick was actually, attempted murder or had the kick landed - the cobra kais would have been charged with, gang stalking, assault and battery with the intent of causing grevious bodily injury and homicide. Myagi ( the war criminal and stalker ) was well within the parameters of the law to take action; however, it was an excessive takedown when you look at was actually actually done
Back to , johnny - if johnny had some brain - he likely would have just talked to, ali, while within the high school land such as when they were in class.
Back to, danny - danny paying for, alis meal was playing mind games - daniel may actually be some kind of prick - don't know for sure
Now it's myagi's time to shine.
Myagi had the keys to the padlock and chain so basically he must have meant to own the land they were all trespassing on.
Over to where the user and kid abuser takes daniel -'filled with millions of dollars worth of oil production utilities ( obviously used for illegal drug money laundering and other criminal enterprises ) and 4 classic cars - this is millions of dollars worth of oil and land - if anyone can explain how a maintenance person can afford such prime real estate - then feel free to do so.
Over to the tournament - daniel brang, ali, along to throw off, johnny and use her against him though, the locker room incident cancels that out
Look at when myagi was drugged and drunk - look at the newspaper clippings - it clearly declares that, myagi, was a usla graduate and was born in America and the picture of the pregnant woman that, myagi lost - let's not forget, myagi, served a minor - something I will touch on later but, for now - back to daniels training - what did, daniel, when danny finishes his first lot of chores see at myagi's pad - something scarey - who knows what it was .
Backto the tournament - the tournament was filled with ex soldiers from the Vietnam War = they were all working for, myagi and that includes, kreese, his lapdog - the tournament was obviously rigged in favour of, daniel - courtesy of the war criminal, myagi
Still not convinced - look at the karate kid part 2 - danny drives a beat up car then when, myagi, the demon sorcerer has a look at the car - it's half repaired out of nowhere so what does that tell the viewer so far - mister myagi ( or whatever his real name is - is a lowlife spook so far - more on that later
But, quickly back to the bicycle incident - they forced him off the track - feel free to re watch the film freeze frame it - johnny and his buddies aren't so crash hot after all - johnny, Tommy and Dutch are all dipsticks within the film - the only flawed hero, is bobby - as he constantly attempts to stop the ridiculously stupid behaviour by the cobra kai
More on mister myagi ( or whatever his real name was supposed to be )
He obviously the usla foot player, ali, got with
Myagi then proceeds to lie that he talked to daniels mother on Fresno, California - so what does it tell the viewer about myagi - he's a delusional and deceitful
The mail man turns up and acts like it's his first day on the job with a letter from Okinawa - myagi then ignores him while expecting some bad news.
The pair get to okawani and the viewer can then spot myagi indicating to chozen this is the bloke he was telling him about. In the car mistreatment myagi nods towards chozen ( asking if everything is in place ) conspires with chozen to belittle and antagonise , daniel. Myagi then pretends to be interested in fixing a fridge that's obviously ready for the scrap heap.
Myagi then asks what are the odds of breaking the ice - more like myagi is a compulsive gambler and liar that liked to see daniels hand hurt.
It looks as if myagi is concerned over daniel while the storm is on yet myagi was concerned over kimitso - not daniel
Fast forward to the the purposely built fighting arena - equipped with drums - hey wait a minute - I thought the drum was a myagi family secret yet there's heaps of drums so it was a kids toy just like chozen claimed after all.
Now remember the picture in part 1 and look at the voodoo woman concerned over chozen .if myagi actually had fought in world War 2 as claimed as an 80 year old man - he would have been 40 years old when he supposedly fought in world War 2 - buzz - mister myagi is liar - scam artist
Over to the karate kid part 3 movie - it starts by showing the pair back in the united states - back in Los Angeles, California .
I will make this short and sweet
They show daniels mother back in newark , new Jersey in their old apartment - hey wait a second - in part 2 they said Mrs larusso travelled to fresno California - another web of intriguing lies spun by, misery myagi
It then becomes clear that terry silvers new business investor is, the war criminal ( also known as mister myagi ). As for Jessica - I think she was a hooker ; however, I didn't think she knew much about the hired goons silver and myagi sent.
The day of the tournament arrives - myagi can then be observed coaching daniel while the match is on against Mike Barnes the mygonististic retard and mercenary style goon
Daniel might have been a bit of a gangly bastard though, compared to myagi and associates - daniel was a saint.
Though, it's good it's only staged acting scenarios - just that - fictional
As for, ali, being trouble - have a look just before daniel is preparing his hot dog - daniel glared towards ali
Besides, ali, was not johnny's property - she's just a person - alpha female of her little gang of snobby rich girls so I suppose you have some right to hassle her, I suppose and you'reprobably correct - daniel should have cut his losses instead of fixation on ali and atempted to chat some other girl up.
A high majority of Daniels problems were due to a move danny didn't want to actually make and perhaps danny could have been a bit of a bully himself back in jersey
I recently noticed some else within the original karate kid
Mistreatment myagi, seemed to sharpening a meat cleaver or some kind of knife on a blade sharpener - which led me to believe that, myagi, was some kind of information gatherer using torture methods - he was just plain bad.
I originally thought he had a paint scraper and a rag - looks like I was sadly mistaken - I seem to have been proven wrong
One more thing : I don't think, danny was there for lunch - I think it was actually dinner as mother larusso said unto, danny, directly to be careful riding his bicycle home before it gets dark.
Another point against, myagi, is directly his lie claiming he lost his wife and unborn kid
The woman is the second karate kid film - it's the same woman that, myagi, supposedly lost in the internment camp.
Now I'm wondering whether, myagi, run criminal war camps or just picked up karate techniques and learned english from television shows and / or, movies
In in all - he came off as a pedophile and an all around bad person.
Johnny was commiting another act of blackmail by leaving the, Allisons stereo on the sand.
These how woman beaters actually start off
But, back to, danny - danny looked scared when he was practicing karate in the larussos apartment so it's extremely likely, myagi ebrasion eyed ,danny yet again and who knows what else he did.
In the film, the next karate kid .my take is , myagi drugged, Julie and the monks so he could turn the monestary into an illegal drug factory so it's only fair to say that he also drugged, danny by lacing his meals and drinks
I saw, danny of being the victim of 4 sets of bullies
1. Selfish and arrogant mother larusso who moved, daniel away from family and friends
2. Freddy fernandez and his so called buddies who actually encouraged the fight against the pair and even told ,danny to get up and continue fighting as they knew what a jerk that ,johnny was then proceed to treatment like ,danny was a crab. What a bunch of posers and hypocrites
3. The cobra kai group who purposely stalked and bullied, danny practically on a daily basis
4. Mister myagi ( or whatever his real name was supposed to be )
I recently re watched the end of the sequel and noticed more irregularities - chozen came down on what looked to be a flying fox and myagi had the drum ready to go then the others were using the drums in sequence so basically the whole scenario was likely pre planned - pre rehearsed. They likely had someone else in myagi's position so in can all be in sequence. These are all sickos who likely like to watch fighting for their own sadistic pleasure
It Deeply saddens me to see these trashy karate kid movies on television disguised as general viewing programming in prime time viewing slots
Watched a bit of the movie, the next karate kid - on youtube
It seemed as if myagi did something similar to Julie what he did to danny
He somehow knew Julies birthday just like somehow he knew dannys birthday plus he got the birthday cake to a remote area so easily complete with candles unless he conned Julies grandmother who knows but, myagi doesn't look so good plus in the 3 karate kid films he nefariously takes off and suddenly appears when the going gets rough
I think mister myagi is actually the real villain in all the Karate kid movies
As for description of johnny the so called flawed hero
Better not concentrate on the beach conflict which they were both at fault for - johnny had no right to go down the beach and demand a now diplomatic solution especially admitting he was a ace degenerate fuelled by violence , alcohol and illicit drugs - he wasn't in a position to blackmail ,intimidate allison , invading her personal space and was practically on the verge of commiting sexual harassment on the beach even before danny came to pick up the radio but, moving onto the soccer field incident : johnny encouraged bobby to trip danny and can clearly also hear the cobra kai karate gang saying : let's get him so danny was well within the parameters of the law to take action; however, the cleverer thing to do was to kick bobby in the shin and give him a taste of his own medicine instead of ground n pound him mixed martial arts style besides, it wouldn't have been so funny if danny fell flat onto his face chipped his tooth pierced his lip and started to bleed from the battery
The next karate kid film is practically a boring movie
Myagi barged into Julies room earlier within the film and made up some bullstar excuse saying that myagi went in and out of danny's room so it was no big deal - mean can clearly seeing him knocking on danny's door in the third karate kid film installment plus danny would have no business going to mistreatment myagi's room
Back to johnny : on the Halloween evening beating - the cobra kai karate gang were ruthlessly viciously beating on danny then proceed to beat him unconcious then bobby pleaded for dutch and johnny to stop yet did they no - they decided to become homicidal maniacs then when myagi intervened saving danny's life they decided it was alright to attack an old giezer and get what's coming to them - johnny doesn't look so good now does he except at the end when he respects danny giving him the trophy; however, if johhny exhibits genuine remorse and makes amends which may include apologising to danny for all those previous vicious beatings and serious criminally indictable offences such as trying to take danny's life on 3 separate occasions - then - everyone deserves a second chance including johnny not to mention : johnny temporarily saved Miguel from those bullies outside the convenience store Plus johnny saved Miguels life after that vicious Halloween evening beating within the new youtube red premium series, cobra kai. Johnny is basically starting to get for the better so not only did myagi save danny's life - myagi also saved johnny from a lengthy prison sentence for, gang stalking, violent shaking but, would be extremely difficult to prove, aggravated assault and battery with the intent of causing grevious bodily harm, malicious wounding and homicide which became only attempted homicide due to myagi's intervention .basically the episodes of the show, cobra kai - is johnny Lawrences redemption story
Even though, danny had mental and behavioural problems the Halloween evening beating put them in place then johnny beat him up which made danny unconcious which already made the cobra kai karate gang criminals and johnny is their leader so basically johnny is responsible for those gangster wannabes however , don't want to be too hard on them either as their brains were still developing but, the last running kick was uncalled for - even though, it's just a film though, in reality they're were extremely lucky that last running kick hadn't landed otherwise would have caused severe injuries
Back to the soccer field incident - just gotta look at johnny cobra kai karate gang shaking hands while planning this provocation. Can see johnny whispering that's the guy from the beach then proceeds to turn saying some more things : my guess is watch what happens next plus they were proud of themselves
So danny had the legal right to defend himself after being tripped as this is a battery offence - it wasn't ongoing but, I firmly believe that the cobra kai karate gang were likely planning more attacks such as a headlock or further pushing or possibly even rough strikes so danny was obviously fighting back. Even the production team admitted that they had chosen Ralph machio to play the part as he had a take no crap attitude from others
Can understand this article as you likely haven't watched it in years
It's actually unfortunate to see these karate kid movies on television disguised as general viewing programming in prime time viewing slots
So let's go over mister myagi's criminal tendancies again in the original karate kid film
1. Placed danny's pushy on the larussos doorstep = stalking
2. Bribed the larussos by giving them a bonzai tree so they were less likely to go back to new Jersey = similar to extortion charges
3. At the Halloween evening beating myagi had the keys to the padlock on the chain securing the gate so most likely he owns the adjacent land which looked like it was used for coal mining which ties into his massive oil empire on the other side of the fence plus that's his land where he resided
4. Fled a crime scene of, gang stalking, intimidation, violent shaking, aggravated assault and battery with the intent of causing grevious bodily harm, malicious wounding and attempted homicide.
5. Most likely had the tournament officials in his pocket
In the sequel of the karate kid film
It looked to me as if myagi used his own body language to ask whether the scam was in place where chozen nods back a yes then myagi proceeds to encourage chozen to further victimise danny
Sorry to state but, don't think myagi was actually a war hero - instead a criminal stalker with pathological gambling and lying capabilities
Don't believe he's that good of a con artist either
Why would a university of California Los Angeles graduate be working as a janitor
Also noticed some more immortalies of mister myagi - in the beginning of the sequel he was doing work on the house without council permission plus likely without building certifications
As for your description of the bike attack : that's no accident - johnny pushed him over the edge using force -can hardly notice it as it's done lightning fast - can observe johnny's hand going on the way back and danny's shirt moving besides, even if they didn't the law says they're responsible for the serious incident
Might have placed this before but, I really dislike that mistreatment myagi
Mister myagi might not snake eyed danny when they first met and may or may have not placed a voodoo witch spell on the glass door leading to the maintenance workshop though, I still believe that he had it in for danny the entire time also : appeared that it was the same woman from the original karate kid film in the sequel but, it might not have been however, everything else I think is correct
So far I still believe that mistreatment myagi was actually a con artist in all of the Karate kid film but, back to the johnny and danny conflict even though, johnny and his cobra kai posse purposely went down to beach in search of trouble nevertheless, will move past the beach conflict straight into well into the movie where after the deal was made with cobra kai karate group sensei Kreese . The cobra kai karate gang see danny with allison so they could start a fight then, danny defends himself by talking all high and mighty which is not that good idea but, after all the cobra kai karate gang put him through earlier who could blame him then the cobra kai karate gang proceed to stalk him some more where he had to get the teacher involved to get them off his back. Danny could have very well gotten law enforcement agency officers involved and got the cobra kai karate gang into a fair bit of strife but, all he wanted was to left alone
A re hash of the past in now being shown and Danny's ideology has been proven 100 % correct within the youtube red premium series, cobra kai
2 more points against myagi
1. The car he was driving looked fancy for someone who was supposed to be on the pension within the movie, the next karate kid
2. What was myagi doing with the keys to the padlock on the chain securing the gate unless the owners only gave him the keys to that padlock just in case anything went wrong which seems unlikely to me - think he did own all that property
More points against myagi
In the sequel : myagi gives danny 1800 dollars so if he was really struggling to make ends meet you wouldn't have likely gave him the full amount
Giving danny the money is also similar to stranger danger
I watched the original karate kid film yet again and noticed that danny claimed to be hearing voices in his head after the vicious Halloween evening beating so basically it looks like you were correct on danny trying to get revenge on johnny after the beach conflict which danny should have just minded his own business though, myagi was much much worse than danny -"that's one bad individual.
After re watching the Halloween evening beating scene I also noticed that the key ring was in the padlocks shackle on the chain securing the gate so either someone accidentally left them there or myagi pre planned this incident even though, was legally justified but, judging by the oil production utilities and the train line mistreatment myagi owned all that land - danny was obviously not cool ( hothead ( and kinda violent though, compared to mistreatment myagi - danny was a saint
Also noticed something in the gambling place in the sequel : mistreatment myagi kept some of the money himself so either myagi ( or whatever that creepy criminal stalkers real name was supposed to be ) gave danny half of 1800 bucks which is 900 bucks or myagi at least got his money back
Johnny and danny were both bullies and both fueled the conflict - they both antagonistic of each other and allison wasn't much help either - she enjoyed the attention - think she liked the 2 boys fighting over her all while making johnny jealous
As for mother larusso : think she likely moved to keep danny out of trouble and was likely connected to the mafia or perhaps she was in the some kind of witness relocation program - one thing for sure is that it's very lucky enough she didn't have anymore kids especially girls - who knows what they might have turned out .I might have already placed this though, decided to redo it
While I re watched the original karate kid film : I also noticed another thing - if that had been a legal tackle by bobby the right leg would have been pushed instead of going for the right leg bobby went for the left leg - this scenario was battery giving danny the legal right to defend himself
I noticed something else against that psycho criminal stalker mistreatment myagi : in the early part of sequel some youth come up to danny and claimed that they were from new Jersey - I mean what are chances - very slim indeed so either danny somehow contacted some youth to arrive which is highly unlikely as danny wasn't popular and usually gets himself into trouble or perhaps myagi got some heavy duty connections within the United States so that he could bring them to san fernando valley California tournament.
Sorry to say though, it appears as if myagi was actually a criminal, irresponsible , a drunk, an abuser and all around bad person
Conclusion at this present time : the karate kid movies are crap and I do mean crap though, makes perfect sense that people should learn that when a grown adult invites someone to their house alone especially a minor then run the other way
I watched some of the original karate kid film again and don't like to admit it though, I think you're mainly correct as the songs give it away
The cruel summer song gives it away - that means danny would have likely become a more dangerous psychopath and started attacking innocent creatures and perhaps even people if he stayed in new Jersey. When danny soaked johhny with water at the Halloween evening function the no shelter song was playing on his Walkman so basically danny deserved that beating; however, that last dangerous potentially fatal leaping side kick would have likely either taken danny's life or maybe caused a whole lot of damage
Mother larusso was arrogant and selfish individual as well - yeah : luckily she didn't have anymore kids especially girls - who knows how they could have likely turned out
After recently watching the karate kid movies I noticed even more inconsistencies in mister myagi's story
1. Sato and chozens gang knew which room danny was obviously going to be in so they quickly surrounded him and held danny against his will
2.what was myagi away from the village so late
3. When myagi gave the last will and testament to danny - now myagi is supposed to be residing in America so basically how could he have made it up so quickly in Japan when there would be no American embassies in oliwani - perhaps the mainland Japan though, was very unlikely fathomable in oliwani so basically this is another pre planned bribe by mistreatment myagi
Let's not forget about the theft of the black belt in the tournament
Mistreatment myagi stole the black belt out of the officials bag which equals disqualification not to mention : if danny got hurt the larussos would have had a pretty good court case against that creepy criminal stalker ( also known as mister myagi or whatever his real name was supposed to be )
One point for danny to win the tournament matches equals either mother larusso bribed the tournament officials or perhaps mistreatment had them in his pocket though, would rather accuse myagi
Maybe you're mostli correct on danny especially before the evening of Halloween; however, if that next door creepy criminal stalker hadn't climbed the fence and swooped down pushing down an already unconcious danny larusso from that last running dangerous powerful leaping side kick the cobra 🐍 kai karate group would would have likely been arrested, charged, placed before the courts and punished most likely by a lengthy prison sentence and even their bully cobra 🐍 kai karate group sensei Kreese would have even been sent to prison for decades if the police prosecution team could prove that kreese knew what they were getting up to
Did you ever do a part 2?
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